Don't Fall into the Comparison Trap

Do you ever feel like everyone else around you is succeeding? And you are failing miserably or just scraping by?   

This feeling is all too common when we compare ourselves to those around us. You get on Facebook, eager to see notifications and messages from friends. But as you stay a while and start looking at the home page, everyone is seemingly happy — with a big smile plastered on their faces. And usually, they are in some exotic location. There are very few pictures of angry people or less-than-desirable locales.

I’m guilty as charged. I don’t take many pictures, but when I do, they are usually ones that make me proud or excited. My son's first day of school, special occasions like birthdays and holidays, or travel photos are commonalities among my Facebook posts.  

But the posts are just a highlight reel.   

Do I take pictures when my youngest son is having a temper tantrum? No. It would make me look like a bad mom.

Did I capture the moment when my oldest son smeared Vaseline over his entire room at age 3? No, because I was too angry at the time to find it funny. 

Will I snap a photo in the future when I ask my 13-year-old (for the tenth time) to get off his phone and join the rest of the family? Highly unlikely.

Social Media & Depression 

McClean, a Harvard Medical School Affiliate, explores the correlation between social media usage and mental health. A 2018 University of Pennsylvania study split undergraduate students into two groups: the first group limited social media usage to 10 minutes daily for three weeks, and the second group kept the same social media habits as usual. The first group showed significant reductions in loneliness and depression.

Now, I’m not here to tell you to delete all your social media accounts. But, like anything else, there can be a healthy and unhealthy level of social media exposure.

And it’s good to seek help with any serious mental health concern; Everyday Health’s guide showcases free or low-cost resources to consider.

I personally go on Facebook a few times weekly and spend twenty minutes or less.  Oftentimes, it is just responding to group posts or private messages.  To me, this is enough to keep up with contacts but not so much that I fall into the comparison trap.   

Avoid the Comparison Trap

Alright, let’s move on from social media for a moment. Where else do you feel compelled to compare yourself to others? At work? Within your business? Financial net worth? Parenting skills?

You cannot be all things to all people. There is this myth that we can “have it all.” The truth is, no one has it all figured out. Your life will always feel slightly off balance. Work may take a priority over your home life for a season. Or kids’ activities may force you to leave work one hour early each day. There will always be someone with more money in the bank than you, and that’s OK.  

This doesn’t mean that you stop striving toward something better. Quite the opposite. Neuroscience confirms that happiness is directly linked to the act of seeking. But as Christians, our hearts will be restless until we rest in Him.

You are enough.

You are worthy of the gifts bestowed upon you. You have the power to make a tangible difference in others’ lives. You are wonderfully and perfectly made. Remember these principles when you struggle with feelings of insecurity and self-doubt.  

Defining Success

I’ll never forget Jeff Goins’ Tribe conference in October 2018. It was a wonderful opportunity to sit among other writers and creatives, but it was also intimidating. Most of the speakers were Jeff’s personal friends who made a monumental impact and had grown significant online followings through their work.

Driving to Nashville for Tribe, I couldn’t help but get nervous at the thought of meeting the speakers and hearing their climb to “success.” And yet, not a single one of them spoke about how successful they were. Rather, each speaker shared an uplifting story of how they persevered and moved past the comparison trap to accomplish their goals. They explained how they innovated and courageously stepped into a new path that few had the courage to explore.   

If they can do it, you can do it. What’s stopping you from leaving the comparison trap and pursuing your dreams?

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